So the holiday season has begun, and all I can say is “Bah Humbug.”

The holidays have been ruined for me. Almost all of them. Lets start with Thanksgiving.

To me, it is a day to remember those things we are thankful for, especially our families. We all get together for a big meal celebrating that we have had a good year and share in each others love. Because of the rise of Black Friday sales, Thanksgiving Dinner has become Thanksgiving Lunch, reserving the evening for planning our tactical assault on the retail chains, and of course, for our naps. Gotta get there early you know. We make Facebook posts about how thankful we are for what we have, yet beat up old ladies for things we don’t need. It, like most holidays, has become about greed.

Christmas is no better. We give things to other people, how can that be bad? You know as well as I do why it’s bad. Greed. We give in the understanding that we will receive in return. We give mostly meaningless things, things that they probably didn’t need, or want half of the time. The return lines are huge on Dec 26th at most retail stores. It is a meaningless gesture to make yourself feel better about all the crap you bought for yourself a month ago. Giving to charity this year? Same thing, it makes you feel better about how much useless crap you bought this year. The religious meaning of the holiday is pretty well lost now, being one of the two days most people go to church in a year. We spend so much money on decorations and useless gifts every year, all in the name of giving, when its really just greed. Fancy light display out front? Greed for attention. Do you even know why you put out lights or decorate a tree? Look up the origins of Christmas traditions and you will find you are celebrating a pagan holiday, not a Christian one.

New Years Eve, a reason to get drunk and party. In the same vein, we have St. Patrick’s Day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, and 4th of July. Those last three also tend to include putting raw meat on a fire. The 4th is another greed holiday in my book. Maybe not for you, but the retail companies out there who would capitalize on your desire to blow things up while drinking heavy amounts of beer and eating a lot of meat. There is also the attention greed of the fireworks display. I’ve actually heard people explain how much better their display will be by the amount of money they plan to destroy.

Valentine’s Day, the holiday we are supposed to show the people we love how much we appreciate them and love them…by buying stuff. Candy, jewelry, and so on. Has society really degraded to the point that Stuff equals Love? This is seen in Christmas too. I love you so much I bought you a $20 box of chocolates. Greed. For woman, it’s the candy and flowers and sparkly stuff. For men it’s the almost guaranteed sex that night. Retailer love this one as well.

Easter is another religious holiday gone wrong. Not as bad as Christmas, but it still has lost a lot of meaning in the useless traditions of buying stuff. Candy again, this time for children. Like Christmas, if you look into the origins of your Easter traditions, you will find you are pagan, not Christian. Another retailer holiday that has convinced you that to celebrate some old guy’s resurrection, you need fake plastic grass and candy. Don’t forget the bunnies and eggs, both fertility symbols. Leave it to the Christians to turn a celebration of life into a celebration of death.

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, both holidays that equate stuff with love. How does a tie show me how much you love me? More great retail love for these two.

Lastly, my favorite of the holidays: Halloween. This one is really retail heavy too, second only to Christmas. At least this time it’s just for fun. Yes, it is a reason to party, dress slutty, and give kids candy, again, but that’s really the only point. Yes, the Christians tried to give it a religious significance, but kinda failed there. The pagans saw it as the new year and a time to remember the passing of loved ones, but the Christians have Easter, so that is lost too. Halloween really is just about having fun with friends or family, and of course, greed.

So let the retailers celebrate all the holidays by buying each others crap, and just try to remember the point you are celebrating. It’s not about how much money you spend, ever. There is not a “Spend it All Day.”

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