So, it has come down to this.
I know it’s not the biggest decision I have ever made in my life, but my mind doesn’t understand that. I know, deep down, this decision will not change the course of my life, for good or ill, but I still can’t make it.
One the one hand, I have the easy choice. It’s the one I always default to, my fall back, my safety net. It is the simplest path, the path most trodden. It is also the choice I most often hate to make. We can not grow as people by taking the easiest path. We must branch out, seek out new experiences, new tastes, “new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.”
On the other hand, I have the more difficult choice, the new path. Technically it isn’t even a new path or a choice I have not made before, just vary rarely. I know that there is the possibility that this choice would be more fulfilling, more rewarding. A more difficult choice, for certain, but possibly the better one.
That’s just it though. It might be the better choice. I can not be one hundred percent certain that it would be better for me in the long run. Sure, there are more bumps, and hard things to be overcome, but the path less traveled could be that way because of the nasty bear that kills everyone who walks down it. I know what I would get from the safe choice, even if its not completely what I want.
One of the fun things about being me is that I always try to look at ever decision from every angle, to see every possibility. Unfortunately, this often leads me to not being able to make a clear decision, but it does allow me to play devil’s advocate in a debate or discussion. While I may not agree with the other side, I can still see their point of view. Blessing and a curse, I guess.
It’s so frustrating, sometimes. If I pick the wrong choice, it probably won’t ruin my life, or even my day, but it might. It might affect my mood, if I choose the wrong one. I could be grumpy and disappointed for the rest of the day, affecting the decisions I make, ultimately leading to a downward spiral leading to my untimely death. The fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all, some may argue it’s really the only fear. I know for me, it is certainly crippling. I stand frozen to the same spot I’ve stood for the last five minutes. Easy or Hard? Crutch or Growth? Cake or Death?
Eventually I have to decide, and I need to do it quickly. Generally, if I can’t make up my mind, one of three things will happen: I don’t make a decision and walk away, my wife makes the choice for me, or I just go with the default. It’s not the choice I want, I know that, but I am simply too weak willed to try and change. I want to, more than anything, but I just don’t have it in me. It’s one of the things I want to change.
Finally, I toss in the towel. Once more I simply can’t choose the new path. I fall back to my old stand by and grab a 3 Musketeer.