So, I’ve been in a pretty good mood as of late, you could say I’ve been manic, for a few weeks. Normally, this leads to a burst of productivity. I often get the most done during these times, but I always have to be careful, I can be the most destructive during these times as well. I have myself on a pretty tight leash money wise. I don’t have a job so I try to stay as cheep as possible. I don’t spend money unless the wife says its OK, and usually not even then.
The other night I did have a bit of a nervous breakdown. I had been up for nearly 36 hours on two hours of sleep. I decided I would go to bed at midnight. That was my 40 hour mark. At about 3 am, I realized I still was not in bed asleep. I continued to come up with things to do to distract me, even though I was nearly falling down tired. I could not make myself go to bed. I wanted to, but I just wouldn’t go. It made me cry at the thought of not being able to control myself in even this simple way.
I also realized that I was letting life slip away again. Here I was, weeks into a perfectly good manic phase, and I was wasting it. I was having great ideas for new games to create, but for some reason wasn’t following through with them. OK, I did write down one, but that’s out of about five really good ideas. I had fallen into my old routine.
For years I was on autopilot, I’ve mentioned that before. I would simply go through the motions, doing the exact same thing every day. I didn’t need to think about what I was going to do that day, I already had it planned out. This went on for years. I had broken out of that habit, but now I am slipping right back into it.
I get up around 3 pm, when the wife is due to get home from work. I sometimes grab some lunch, but more often than not I don’t eat, maybe a PopTart if I’m feeling frisky. I usually play Minecraft waiting for the wife to get home. Then I might do dishes if its an even numbered day, or I will just keep playing while Anne relaxes on the couch checking Facebook or watching Netflix. (let’s see how many trademarks I can toss into one post, eh?) Eventually she will make supper. We will eat it. I will complain that it could have been better (because I’m an ass) and we go back to being brain dead until Anne goes to bed around 9 pm. If its a Saturday, we might have friends over to play some board games, otherwise we either watch Netflix, or I’ll play a game on my iPad (see, another one!) while she plays one of those Facebook games. Once she goes to bed, I feel free.
I’m free to do whatever I want and not have to feel guilty about not being in the same room with my wife. I usually go down to my office and either play Star Trek Online (what’s that, six now?) or the Avengers Facebook game (does that count as two?), usually both. I’ll grab some more PopTarts and diet Cokes while taking the occasional smoke break (Marlboro). I will wind down somewhere between 4 and 7 am, go for one last smoke and head to bed.
Overall, it doesn’t sound like too bad of a routine, except I didn’t mention cleaning the house, or bathing, or working, or calling my mother, or spending time with the kids, or getting any one of the thousand things done that I want to do. Auto pilot does not make course corrections on it own.
I almost did the most rash, horrible, disgusting thing I have ever thought of: get rid of all my video games. They were the highlight of my routine and needed to go. Playing games my be a distraction for me, but its a much needed one. I need to cut back on them so I can get other, more productive things into my schedule, but I can’t get rid of them totally. Anne said she would kill me if I did that anyway.
On a semi-related note, I recently canceled my Gamefly account. It was money I was spending on myself that wasn’t really needed. This is a great way for a gamer junkie like me to play all the cool new games without having to buy them. It has been a godsend to me over the years. Anne is not really sure why I chose to do this, but she might not have figured out that I am trying to be as cheap as possible so she doesn’t kick me out. Anyway, I’m off my topic here. Since I had killed Gamefly, I decided to go back and load up some of my favorite old PC games. Star Trek Online was the latest. It’s an MMO (Massively Multiplayer Online Game) that I played when it was first launched three years ago. I quit playing because there wasn’t really much to do when you hit max level, and I didn’t want to keep paying for it while they added more stuff. Now the game has gone free-to-play, so I don’t mind if I go a while between playing. I always liked the game, and they have added so much more stuff to do at the top levels that I could see myself playing it for at least a few more months before I quit it again.
With the upcoming release of Starcraft 2: Heart of the Swarm, I decided to load up Wings of Liberty again to play through the amazing story line again as a bit of a refresher. I’ve been haveing a bit of a problem though, as it seems I don’t remember my account information, so I can’t play the full game. Blizzard is looking into it for me, so maybe we can get something worked out so I can play it again.
In the meantime, I decided I should load up Dawn of War, the Warhammer 40,000 RTS (real time strategy). Again, I’ve come into some issues. The main one being that I can’t find the disks for it. I found two of the expansions; Dark Crusade and Soulstorm, but not the original game itself, nor the other expansions. Sure, I could load either or both of these and play them, as the core game is not really needed, but I was never really crazy about the Necrons or the Sisters of Battle. Yes, they are both cool armies, but I want to play my orks.
So, that pretty much catches you up to what I’ve been doing this last month. I am sorry it is so long, but hey, its been a month and you want your money’s worth, right?
The really sad thing is this: I’m only writing this as an excuse not to go to bed. I’m glad I did, but still. I know I should have gone to bed an hour ago, but here I am, not in bed. At least I’m not as insomnia plagued as I have been in the past. My record is five days.
I love you all, and thanks for letting me ramble on.