Yep, still alive. Finally got over my illness, whatever it was. It lasted for about four days, which is some sort of record for me, as I really don’t get sick. We joke that the Black Plague is the only thing that can give me the sniffles. My abdomen is still a bit sore and uncomfortable, but that’s to be expected after shitting nonstop for three days, I would think. I feel a bit bloated now and there is a spot on my belly the if I press in on it it hurts, not sure what that’s about, but whatever.
I am really tired of the constant battle with myself. I’m feeling productive again, but I can’t bring myself to do anything. I want to make this tin foil armor (Internet joke I want to make real) out of cardboard wrapped in foil. Problem is, now I’ve thought about it for too long, and simple crappy cardboard armor just isn’t going to cut it, I want to make much better armor. Sort of a crappy sci fi evil emperor look to it, sharp lines, some pointy bit, black, silver and red colors. Here is the battle: I know myself and am too afraid that it will be yet another craft project that I won’t stick with. I get all excited and then lose interest with everything after a time, so this probably won’t be any different. Then again, it is something I really want to do. “But,” my OCD says, “it would be a lot of trial and error, a lot of exacting work, and you are simply not good enough to do it.” Too true.
Being crappy at something is the first step to being kind of good at something.
I heard that somewhere, and I want to embrace that idea. It takes work and practice to get good at something, and I need to learn that I’m starting out and it’s perfectly OK to make something crappy, just learn along the way and the next one will be better. My perfectionist side disagrees. I hate that guy. He has stopped me from doing so many things simply because I would not be perfect right away. I’m way too lazy to be that much of a perfectionist, I can never do anything if left to my own devices.
Yet, on the other hand, if I want to get into making cosplay costumes, a bit of OCD would actually help as I will need to get the details right to recreate a famous outfit or armor. If I just had the drive to do it.
I was going to ask my wife to make a deal with me. If I make the crappy cardboard and foil suit, that her and I would work together to learn and make a better version, make it a team project. I think most would agree (in the comments section 🙂 ) that it would be good for us to make this a thing we do together. She does love costumes (as do I, and Halloween) and crafty stuff (I think). I’ve started doing research online to learn all I can about the different techniques and materials often used in cosplay. Fascinating stuff. I’m really excited about the idea, could even have the daughter design stuff for us to make (she used to like that stuff). Whole family project!
But it will never work, as always. Anne won’t care, daughter and son won’t get into it, and I’ll lose interest after going a few weeks of no one else giving a shit. If I’m going to live life, I need people to live it with. Then again, this could be the spark we need to start the fires burning again. It could be what reminds me I have reasons to live.