The Death of Wigglebottom

I have failed.

This grand experiment at a new life simply failed. I’ve failed my wife, my family, and myself. I simply can’t make myself who I wanted to be, no matter how hard I tried.

My wife resents me. She doesn’t say anything, but I know. I don’t have a job, don’t work around the house, don’t have sex with her, don’t even sleep with her, how could she not. I don’t blame her, in fact I feel sorry for her for having to deal with me. I tried hard to stop fighting the crazy and just see what would happen if I just tried to deal with it, not cover it up all the time. It didn’t go well.

So, from now on I will try to be who she wants me to be. She never talks to me so I’ll have to guess, but I’m sure a nice boring day job would be at the top of the list.

No more thoughts of trying to make my own company, it wasn’t going well anyway. I can try to blame the fact that I can’t do it all alone, but it’s just and excuse. No more crazy ideas of projects that never get built, work that never gets done, dreams that are never realized, hopes that go unfulfilled. All that will now be behind me.

I suppose I should look toward the future with some optimism, but it’s just not in me anymore. I thought life was about enjoying yourself, but it isn’t. It’s simply about doing what you can to survive as long as you can. I had hoped we were more evolved than our animal cousins, but we are not, unless you count our penchant for cruelty to each other.

I assume our life was ok before my little change a year ago, it seems to be what the wife wants to go back to. A simple life of work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep. No more wanting more, there simply isn’t anymore. I now understand why people get into sports, or politics, or religious studies; it’s something to kill time until you die, a distraction from how simply pointless this society really is. That many people can’t really like reality tv, can they? I suppose it shows that others live are worse than theirs, or maybe they see something of themselves they don’t even realize. Distractions.

I’m done asking to be entertained, I really have no right. Maybe my family is correct in that I am only bored with life because I have nothing to do. The things I want to do (school) are so far out of reach that I can’t even contemplate that as a distraction. No, a meaningless job for a meaningless existence is the only real choice.

I’m done talking about my illness and how it cripples me. I need to get over it. Everyone thinks is a bunch of BS anyway, so no reason to bring it up any more. I have to force myself to act normal, do things normal people do. King Wigglebottom is dead and I just have to learn how to deal with that.

I’m not sure how to fake a sex drive, but I need to learn that pretty quick.

Anyway, I’m going to do one last crazy thing before I collapse from being up for 20 hours trying to reset to a normal schedule. I’m not sure why I naturally default to a night shift schedule, but it pisses off the wife, so it has to change. Maybe if I ask, she’ll tell me what she wants. I’ve told her my wants and needs, now it’s her turn.

So I say Goodby this one last time. I thank all of you who have followed me these last several months, those who have liked or commented on my posts. I had hopped for more discussion, but, as with all my hopes, it went unfulfilled, but that’s ok. Life is like that, pain and disappointment, the faster you grow numb to it all, the better.

With all my love,

King Wigglebottom

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2 Responses to The Death of Wigglebottom

  1. roxanne says:

    try to find the balance between King Wigglebottom and Mike Meader. Anne loves both of them. yes she would like you to have the boring 9 to 5 monday thru friday job. let’s face it money does not buy happiness, but without it in todays economic society you can not survive to find the things that do bring happiness. when you do not have to worry about how you are going to survive thru today. you can finally find the happiness, life can be very boring. King Wigglebottom sneeking out to make your family laugh at the end of an otherwise boring day, that is what he is needed for. but as with all things in moderation. all work and no play is not good, but all play and no work is not good either. everyone walks a tight rope. the key is to find what can give you the balance to make it to the end of the rope without falling, and for everyone that key is different. i think King Wigglebottom is your key. when you find a job and go to work it is Mike Meader, breadwinner and provider for your family. when you come home it is King Wigglebottom to the rescue of the otherwise boring life.

    • mikemeader says:

      The whole point to my alter ego was to try and look at life in a less depressing way, to try to live life the way I wanted, or at least thought it should be.

      Unfortunately, reality simply wouldn’t let me go, it clung on with an iron grip, forcing me to see the world as it really is, not the way I wished it would be.

      People ask “What’s the meaning of life?” And the answer is just too simple: to survive. Our bodies are built to be a life support system for our reproductive organs, that’s it. We exist to simply exist and spread our genes so that they continue on forever. We live to raise our children so they may successfully pass our genes on to the next generation, and so on. So everything else in life is simply a distraction, and a pointless one at that.

      Any wonder, then, that a man who has no desire to continue to breed nor the ability to raise his genetic children sees no point to any of this? I wanted to live a life where I don’t work a job I hate just to pay it all in child support and bills, to try to find some other meaning to this world and society, but I failed. There is no other point. So, King Wigglebottom is dead, has been for a while now. He was my hope for a future, and that future is also dead.

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